I wanted to throw up and cancel my boudoir session

If you're nervous about a boudoir photoshoot, I'm not going to tell you that's silly. I photograph women in my Dallas studio for a living... and I still almost canceled my own. Here's the whole story, exactly how it happened.

I had my second boudoir photo shoot and it was life changing. A little background: I'm a boudoir photographer in Dallas, TX, a mother of six and a grandmother of seven. I never hated my body, but I have crazy stretch marks that I am not the biggest fan of. For that reason I'm always covering them up. I'm not quick to jump in front of the camera either (until now... keep reading).

I encourage women every day to come in and strip down their insecurities, love who they are, and allow me to document it with my photography. That part is easy, because women can trust me to capture them in a beautiful way and know I don't have one ounce of judgment toward them. I never thought I would have issues stripping down for myself until...

December 2018. Some photographer friends came to Dallas and held an educational workshop at my studio in Deep Ellum. As a thank you, one of the photographers, Teri Hofford https://www.instagram.com/terihofford/, asked to photograph me. I said yes, but didn't put much thought into it until two days before the photo shoot.

The first wave of nausea came when I went to pick out my outfits. I was literally walking through Target feeling some serious anxiety. What do I wear? What's gonna look good on me? I don't wanna show my stretch marks. (I know you're thinking... wait, don't you do this for a living?) Yes, I do. But all of my training went out the door at that moment.

The night before my boudoir session, I had reached the point of throwing up and wanting to cancel. I was so nervous about showing my body that the anxiety was taking over. Nonetheless, I fought through it and showed up for my boudoir shoot the next morning.

When we were picking out my outfits, everything I knew about boudoir photography and taking care of my clients flew right out the damn door. I was sweating and couldn't think straight. Teri kept telling me to relax and guided me every step of the way. She made outfit suggestions and told me exactly how to pose, breathe, move... everything. So glad she did, because I was a complete mess.

When I put on the first outfit and Teri began to pose me, things turned around. I started to feel like I could do it. She kept reassuring me that I was doing awesome. We finished the photo shoot and I was on top of the world. I made it through.

Then this happened.

The time arrived to see the images. Here we go again, anxiety. Teri sent me a message letting me know my images were complete and ready to view. COMPLETE? I was hoping she'd take a few months to tell me they were complete. I was not ready to see my body yet. I was so afraid to look at them that I let the folder sit for over TWO hours.

I finally opened them up and started to cry. It was like an out-of-body experience. I felt like I was looking at someone else. Teri captured so many parts of my body (even my stretch marks) in ways I never knew possible. I kept going through them, amazed at how I looked. Then I showed the whole damn world around me (and I haven't stopped showing them off, by the way). I went from nervous as hell to bragging my ass off. My favorite image is actually a nude photo that shows off my stretch marks. See below.

This has been a total game changer for me and my business. I TRULY understand exactly how my clients feel, from the moment they contact me until the end when they pick up their images.

Since then, I have a confidence I don't second-guess. I love every single part of my body, and I'm ready for another boudoir session. My conversations with clients are more relatable than ever before. I can tell them exactly how they'll feel through the entire boudoir experience. Teri, I cannot thank you enough for these beautiful images and the amazing woman you are.

So if you're nervous about your boudoir photoshoot right now... good. It means this matters to you. Go for it scared. I've stood in a Target aisle sweating over what to wear, and I've let a folder of my own photos sit unopened for two hours. I know that feeling from the inside.

That's exactly why I pose you for every single photo, the way Teri posed me. You don't have to know what to do. You literally just show up. [Here's what the day looks like, start to finish](/experience).

And if you'd rather hear it from a client, [Courtney almost didn't show up either](/blog/boudoir-body-dysmorphia).

Photos of me by Teri Hofford https://www.instagram.com/terihofford/■