Boudoir Helped Me Beat My Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Hi! My name is Courtney and I am a Recovered Body Dysmorphic Disorder Patient!
So I am going to be completely honest with you, when I first looked into doing a Boudoir Session it was back in January of 2018 for my now ex-boyfriend’s birthday at the time. I was so excited about it that I ended up telling him that I was looking into it for him…..naturally he told me it was completely stupid. Therefore, I stopped looking into it and did something else for his birthday. Fast Forward to August of 2018, we ended up breaking up and I was devastated. The truth of why it all ended came to the surface and I literally felt worthless and unloveable. I did not like myself at all, mentally and physically. I looked at myself in the mirror and hated myself. Many nights I cried my eyes out to my mom on the phone. Yet, one thing happened and it was life changing….Catherine emailed me about her flash sale for her boudoir sessions.
In my mind, I was like “why not? Go ahead and ask some questions”. Naturally my biggest concern was “How the heck am I suppose to look like all of those women in her photos??” She ended up calling me and I could have talked to her for hours. I felt so comfortable talking to her and she exhibited this confidence that I knew this was the thing I wanted to do. I was so excited, but also extremely nervous to the point where I wanted to throw up.
Fast forward a couple weeks later to the day of my photo shoot. As I was driving to her studio in Dallas, I kept fighting the urge to just ball my eyes out and just not show up. As soon as I got there, I wanted to throw up. Yet, she made me feel so comfortable. She is literally the warmest person I have ever met. I told her about my past, how I had always struggled with confidence in my appearance since I was in high school, and how I had recently been diagnosed with severe anxiety and Body Dysmorphia Disorder. For those who do not know what BDD is, it is a mental disorder where you obsessively focus over a flaw or imperfection in your appearance. Sometimes you do actions like not eating, binge eating, obsessively working out, and much more. Instead of looking at me like I was crazy she made me feel like a Queen. I honestly had not laughed so much in my entire laugh. My face hurt from laughing and smiling so much! I got to a point where I was so excited to put on the next outfit. I even checked myself out in her bathroom mirror (shhh..don’t tell her! lol). I had this level of confidence in me once the photo shoot was over that I had never had before….and I had not even seen my photos yet!!!
When I saw my photos for the first time the first words that came out of my mouth were “DAMN….THAT’S ME!?!?!” and I instantly started crying my eyes out. Seeing those photos showed me that I was truly beautiful. It helped me look at the flaws that I see in the mirror and actually love them. They define me and add unique details to my photos. Not to mention that it made me feel so much better from the breakup. It made me view that as a valuable lesson. It completely altered my mentality. I loved myself and was no longer hung up over someone who left. I never told Catherine this until recently and she could not have been happier for me.
So…..this is for anyone who does not think they are pretty enough for boudoir, YOU ARE! <3 Don’t view Boudoir Photography as something you have to do for your partner. Do it for you! Have it be a gift to you! It was truly life changing! To this day, I am able to look in the mirror or look at the scale without hating myself. I do not knit-pick every blemish, scar, or pound on my body. They make me who I am and I am grateful for every single one of them!